Downloadable Stationery Templates

Blonde, Mike Tyson and Pee_Wee Herman Joke Questions …

1. “How do you tell male pancakes from female pancakes?” Answer “The female pancakes are stacked!”
2. What are the longest ten years of a Pollack’s life? Answer Third grade!
3. What is the national bird of Poland? Answer The house-fly!
4. How can you tell when you are in a Polish neighborhood? Answer By the toilet paper hanging out to dry!
5. Why didn’t Mr. Pototato Head want his daughter to marry Howard Cossell? Answer Because he didn’t want her with a common-tator! (commentator)
6. “What did the rug say to the floor?” Answer “I’ve got you covered, baby!”
7. “Why is San Francisco like granola?” Answer “Because once you get past the fruits and nuts, all you have left is the flakes!”
8. What do you call Catholics who use the rhythm method for birth control? Answer Parents!
9. What’s a good way to prevent a skunk from smelling? Answer Hold the skunk’s nose!
10. Why didn’t Mr. Pototato Head want his daughter to marry Howard Cossell? Answer Because he didn’t want her with a common-tator! (commentator)
11. “What did the stamp say to the envelope?” Answer “Stick to me baby, and I’ll take you places!”
12. Which dinosaur was the smartest? Answer The Thesaurus!
13. “Why is it so groovy to be a test tube baby?” Answer “Because you get a womb with a view!”
14. “What did the wall say to the other wall?” Answer “Meet you around the corner!”
15. Did you hear that Washington, D.C. now has a new area code? Answer 911! (or subsitute the name of your favorite violent city)
16. Did you hear about the tornado that hit West Virginia? Answer It caused ten-million dollars worth of improvements!
17. What do you get when you cross a gorilla with a computer? Answer A hairy reasoner!
18. “What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a one footed mongoloid?” Answer “A polaroid one-step!”
19. What has 300 feet and 7 teeth? Answer The front row of a Willie Nelson concert!
20. What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? Answer You can’t hear an enzyme!
21. What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton, and Jane Fonda? Answer Jane Fonda went to Vietnam!
22. What’s the difference between an onion and a banjo? Answer Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo!
23. “Why did the turtle cross the road?” Answer “To get to the Shell station!”
24. What did Josephine get when she dropped a bomb on the kitchen floor? Answer Linoleum blown-apart!
25. “How can you tell when your bartender is pissed off?” Answer “When you find a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary!”
26. What do the World Series and a bear wearing a condom have in common? Answer They’ll both never have cubs!
27. Why don’t b**** women want their daughters to marry Mexican men? Answer Because they’re afraid the kids will grow up too lazy to steal!
28. What does it mean to renege? Answer The shift change at the car wash!!
29. What do you call a white baby who goes to heaven? Answer An angel.
30. Why did the b**** man raise chickens in his backyard? Answer So he could teach his children how to walk!
31. “Why do b**** people have sex on their minds all the time?” Answer “You would too if you had pubic hairs on your head!”
32. “There’s three guys in the 2nd grade — a b**** guy, an Irish guy, and a Chinese guy. Which one has the biggest dick and why?” Answer “The b**** guy — because he’s 27 years old!”
33. What has six arms and legs and shouts “Ho-de-do, ho-de-do, ho-de-do?” Answer
34. Why are blondes similar to screen doors? Answer Because the more you slam `em the looser they get!
35. What is a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme? Answer Hump-me Dump-me!
36. Why don’t the blondes in San Fransisco wear mini-skirts in? Answer Because their balls hang out!
37. Why do blondes use two condoms? Answer Like, for sure, for sure.
38. What do you call a zit on a blonde’s butt? Answer A brain tumor.
39. How can you tell when a blonde is having an orgasm? Answer She drops her nail file.
40. What is the difference between blondes and 747′s? Answer A lot of guys haven’t been on a 747!
41. What is a brunette’s mating call? Answer “Is the blonde bitch gone yet?”
42. What do blondes and turtles have in common? Answer Once they’re on their backs, they’re fucked!
43. What is the first thing a blonde says after sex? Answer “So, are you boys all on the same team?”
44. Why did the blonde only change her baby’s Pampers twice a month? Answer Because it said on the box “For 18 to 24 pounds!”
45. How does a blonde turn on the light after sex? Answer She opens the car door!
46. Why do blondes wear panties? Answer To keep their ankles warm!
47. Why did the blonde quit using her birth control pills? Answer They kept falling out!
48. What do you call a blonde standing on her head? Answer A brunette with bad breath!
49. Why do blondes prefer a sun-roof in the car? Answer More leg room!
50. Why do blondes prefer tilt steering? Answer More head room!
51. What’s the difference between a blonde girl and a blonde guy? Answer The blonde girl has a higher sperm count!
52. What did the doe say after she had a bad experience in the woods? Answer I’ll never do that for a buck again!
53. What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Answer Beer nuts cost about a-dollar-fifty, and deer nuts are under a buck!
54. How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer Five — one to actually change it, and four to share in the experience!
55. What goes ho-ho-ho-plop? Answer Santa Claus laughing his head off!
56. What do you call a female clone? Answer A clunt.
57. How many Systems Analysts does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer None — it’s a hardware problem!
58. What’s the difference between a girlfriend you’ve had for five years and a computer you’ve had for five years? Answer After five years, your computer will still ocassionally go down on you!
59. What do you call it when a woman with a small vagina goes to the bathroom? Answer “Pee-tight.” (petite)
60. Who was the 1st reporter Richard Berendzen called with his side of the story? Answer Ted Koppel’s k***!
61. What did the A.U. alumni give Richard Berendzen as a goodbye gift? Answer Speed dialing!
62. How did AIDS travel from the West coast to the East coast? Answer Magic.
63. Why did George Steinbrenner want to have Billy Martin cremated? Answer So he could see Billy fired one last time.
64. What do Billy Martin and a statuette of Saint Christopher have in common? Answer They’re both plastered on the dashboard of a pickup truck.
65. What do Billy Martin and the New York Rangers hockey team have in common? Answer Sudden death.
66. What were Billy Martin’s last words? Answer I said a Bud Light, not a hard right!!!
67. What do The L.A. Lakers and Wilt Chamberlin both have in common? Answer They both have a magic johnson.
68. How many letters are there in the alphabet? Answer 23, because Magic Johnson has the H, the I, and the V.
69. What did Jeffery Dahmer say to Pee Wee Herman? Answer Stop playing with your food!
70. Why did the Jeffery Dahmer stop at the funeral parlor after work? Answer So he could suck down a few cold ones on the way home!
71. What’s the alternative to the death sentence in China? Answer Two years without MSG!
72. What’s the name of the first student protestor run over by a tank in Tiananmen Square in China? Answer Some-dumb-fuck!
73. What do you call the student protesters in Tiananmen Square in China? Answer Speed bumps!
74. What’s the difference between Clarence Thomas and Marion Barry? Answer Marion Barry likes pubic hair in his coke!
75. What did Clarence Thomas say to Anita Hill after the Supreme Court hearings? Answer I wanted you to lick my erection, not wreck my election!
76. Have you heard about the new “Anita Hill” doll? You pull her string, and ten years later she talks and cries!!
77. What is Doctor Cecil Jacobson’s favorite song? Answer “I’m so into you!”
78. What did Pee Wee Herman say to Mike Tyson? Answer You should have gone to the movies instead!
79. What’s the difference between a snow tire and Mike Tyson? Answer A snow tire doesn’t scream when you put chains on it.
80. What will happen if Mike Tyson goes to jail? Answer It will be the first sentence he ever completes!
81. How did Mike Tyson explain his actions in his hotel room with former Miss b**** Teen, 18 year old Desiree Washington? Answer He explained that being a fighter, he expected to receive either a bust in the face or a crack in the mouth!
82. What is Mike Tyson’s idea of foreplay? Answer (use high lispy voice; make fists, swing four times) “One, two, three, four — lay on the floor bitch!”
83. Have you heard about Pee Wee Herman’s new dry cleaning service? Answer It’s the only place in town where you can drop your pants and jacket off (jack it off) at the same time!!
84. What did Jeffery Dahmer say to Pee Wee Herman? Answer Stop playing with your food!
85. What did Pee Wee Herman say to Mike Tyson? Answer You should have gone to the movies instead!