What About Your Momma? (Jokes)

Jokes About Yo Mummu

Nov 30 2011 in For Laughs by R K

Warning: Tasteless Yo Mummu Jokes

Yo Momma’s…

so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her.
aint so bad…she would give you the hair off of her back!
arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!
got a’ afro, wit’ a chin strap!!!!
got a bald head with a part and sideburns.
got a metal afro with rusty sideburns.
got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.
got a wooden leg with branches.
got eyes in her butt talking about “Damn, did you see that shit?!”

got so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!
got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.
got three fingers and a banjo.
got two wooden legs and one is one backward.
hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
hair so short she curls it with rice.
hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.
has 10 fingers–all on the same hand.
has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.
has a ‘fro with warning lights.
has a glass eye with a fish in it.
has a short arm and can’t applaude.
has a short leg and walks in circles.
has a wooden afro with an “X” carved in the back.
has an ass soo big she has to shit in a dumpster
has green hair and thinks she’s a tree.
has no ears…. I seen the bitch trying on sunglasses
has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you’re saying.
has one hand and a Clapper.
has one leg and a bicycle.
has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.
head so big it shows up on radar.
head so big she has to step into her shirts.
head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.
head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.

hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
house so small she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.
house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
is missing a finger and can’t count past 9.
like a bowling ball. She’s picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.
like a bubble-gum machine… five cents a blow.
like a bus Guys climb on and off her all day long.
like a bus, fifty cents and she’s ready to ride!
like a doorknob – everyone gets a turn!
like a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!
like a hardware store 4 cents a screw!
like a potatoe chip seller on 42nd street, “LAYS! LAYS!…”
like a refridgerator everyone likes to put their meat in her!
like a rifle… four cocks and she’s loaded.
like a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!
like a shotgun one cock and she blows!
like a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!
like a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!
like a Toyota “Oh what a feelin’!”
like a vaccuum cleaner…..a real good suck.
like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
like castlebury stew servings are family size
like chinese food sweet, sour and cheap!
like Domino’s pizza– Something for nothing
like Orange Crush “Good Vibrations!”
like potato chips– Fri-to Lay
like the pillbury doughboy – everyone gets a poke!
like the railway system, she gets laid all over the country!

lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.
mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.
nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat!
nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!
so bald even a wig wouldn’t help!
so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.
so bald you can see whats on her mind
so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.
so dark she spits chocolate milk!
so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!
so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
so dark they made a movie of her heart transplant called “From the darkest heart of Africa”
so dark when people refer to Darkness comming in the future they refer to her next visit.
so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.
so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!!!
so fat even Bill Gates couldn’t pay for her liposuction!
so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
so fat God couldn’t light Earth till she moved!
so fat her legs is like spoiled milk – white & chunky!
so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
so fat her nickname is “DAMN”
so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch’s good side!
so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass
so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
so fat people jog around her for exercise
so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
so fat she accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth
so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

so fat she fell in love and broke it.
so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says “okay!”
so fat she got hit by a parked car!
so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
so fat she has her own brand of jeans FA – FatAss Jeans
so fat she has more rolls than a mary jane truck
so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
so fat she influences the tides.
so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
so fat she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagon!
so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
so fat she put on some BVD’s and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington’s nose.
so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
so fat she stands in two time zones.
so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
so fat she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to get the fuck off!!!
so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
so fat she wakes up in sections!
so fat she was baptised in the ocean.
so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for the new world
so fat she was Miss Arizona — class Battleship
so fat she was mistaken for God’s bowling ball!
so fat she was zoned for commercial development
so fat she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals!!!
so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
so fat she won “Miss Bessie the Cow 94″
so fat she’s got Amtrak written on her leg.

so fat she’s got her own area code!
so fat she’s got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
so fat she’s on both sides of the family!
so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.
so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean…..
so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
so fat the Aids quilt wouldn’t cover her
so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
so fat the highway patrol made her wear “Caution! Wide Turn”
so fat The Himalayas are practices runs to prepare for her
so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!!
so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
so fat to her “light food” means under 4 Tons
so fat we went to the drive-in and didn’t have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
so fat were in her right now
so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
so fat when she back up she beep.
so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!
so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get again.
so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don’t do livestock.

so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, “Who threw that rock?”
so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago…
so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she’s wearin tights!
so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
so fat when she sits on my face I can’t hear the stereo.
so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
so fat when she steps on a scale, it read “one at a time, please”
so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
so fat when she wears a Malcomn X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!
so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said “Taxi!”
so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on theother side just to get her through
so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her
so flat she’s jealous of the wall!
so greasy she sweats Crisco!
so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her
so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
so hairy she looks like a Chia Pet with an afro!
so hairy she shaves with a weedwhacker
so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.
so hairy she’s got afros on her nipples!
so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!
so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.
so nasty I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
so nasty lice consider her a great vacation place
so nasty Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off

so nasty she brings crabs to the beach
so nasty She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!
so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.
so nasty she has two pussys and they both stink.
so nasty she joined the four horseman war, death, famine, disease and
so nasty she made right guard turn left.
so nasty she made speed stick slow down.
so nasty she was declared quarentine since before she was born
so nasty she went swimming and now we have the dead sea
so nasty skunks run from her
so nasty that her sh*t is glad to escape.
so nasty the bitches teeth look like she got jumped by the Cavity Creeps!!!
so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave
so nasty when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt
so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, “Li’l Mary will never amount to anything”.
so old even God calls her mother!
so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
so old her social security number is 1!
so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
so old she has Jesus’ beeper number!
so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!
so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
so old she was Jesus Wet Nurse
so old shes blind from the big bang
so old she’s in Jesus’s yearbook!
so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch’
so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
so poor burglars break in her house and leave money
so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
so poor she can’t afford to pay attention!
so poor she drives a peanut.

so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, “What ya doin’?” She said, “Buying luggage.”
so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
so poor she went to McDonald’s and put a milkshake on layaway.
so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!
so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,”DING!”
so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said “Moving.”
so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people’s fingers!!!
so poor you go out for sunday pushes of the skateboard
so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
so short she can play handball on the curb.
so short she does backflips under the bed.
so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
so short she is the original Q-tip
so short she models for trophys.
so short she poll vaults with a toothpick
so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.
so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.
so slutty I fucked her and I’s a chick!
so slutty John Holmes just looked at her and got AIDS
so slutty she blind and seeing another man.
so slutty she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!
so slutty she could suck-start a Harley!
so slutty she had her own “Hands across her ass” charity drive
so slutty she has Trojan written on her gumline.
so slutty she is known as Homecomming Disease
so slutty she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said “breakfast of the champs”
so slutty that I could’ve been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.
so slutty that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.
so slutty when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!
so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg
so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.
so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus
so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said “guess” so she said levi’s
so stupid she asked you “What is the number for 911″
so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
so stupid she couldn’t read an audio book
so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
so stupid She has to ask for help to use hamburger helper
so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl
so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
so stupid she stole free bread.
so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course
so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
so stupid she thought the Nazis were saying “Hi! Hitler”
so stupid she told everyone that she was “illegitiment” because she couldn’t read
so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
so stupid she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.
so stupid She went to disneyworld and saw a sign that said “Disneyworld Left” so she went home.
so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
so stupid that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order!
so stupid that under “Education” on her job application, she put “Hooked on Phonics.”

so stupid was born on Independence Day and can’t remember her birthday.
so stupid when asked on an application, “Sex?”, she marked, “M, F and sometimes Wednesday too.”
so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put “O.K.”
so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!
so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
so ugly just after she was born, her mother said “What a treasure!” and her father said “Yes, let’s go bury it.”
so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
so ugly she is very successful at her job Being a scarecrow
so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
so ugly she made an onion cry.
so ugly she scares the roaches away.
so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn’t date her!
so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
so ugly The NHL banned her for life
so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower
so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals.”
so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say “Damn, is it Halloween already?”
so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours… for a quote!
so ugly your dad’s breath smells like shit because he would rather kiss her ass.
so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.
teeth are so yellow I can’t believe its not butter
teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
twice the man you are.
wears knee-pads and yells “Curb Service!”
glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can seen people waving.